Narcissistic Friend: Signs & Ways To Deal With Them

A narcissistic friend will always try to hold you back, so it’s essential to create some distance from their toxic behavior.

Friends are the people you select to be a part of your life, and they are the ones who are there to support you when you need help. Nevertheless, having a narcissistic friend can be exhausting and can cause you to experience intense emotional ups and downs.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) causes individuals to exhibit selfish, self-centered, and demanding behavior. Those with NPD often have an unhealthy attachment to an idealized self-image they have constructed. A narcissistic friend tends to be self-centered, humiliates you in public, intimidates you, and ridicules you to attract attention. They frequently expect more from you, exploit you for their gain, and consistently try to control you. Understanding these traits of narcissistic friends can be valuable in developing healthier relationships and determining if they are a good fit for your life.

In the article, ‘Narcissistic Friend: Signs & ways to Deal with Them,’ we outline various indicators of a narcissistic friend and guide on handling the situation.

Top Signs Of A Narcissistic Friend

What is the typical behavior of narcissists towards their friends? Narcissists are individuals with low self-esteem who feed off the insecurities of others. Be on the lookout for indicators of a friend who may be narcissistic.

1. They gossip behind others’ backs

Gossip and making mean comments about others behind their backs are two different things. A narcissistic friend has a superiority complex and is arrogant. They are often unable to say anything positive about anyone, not even their friends. If they talk negatively about those who are kind to them, they are likely speaking poorly of you as well. A narcissistic friend expects loyalty from others but has no qualms about betraying their trust.

2. They demonstrate behavior that shows a sense of entitlement

A narcissist believes that everything is centered around them. They are arrogant and prone to bragging. Therefore, when they do something for you, they anticipate receiving gratitude in return; if they don’t, they become upset. For example, if they go with you somewhere, they will expect you to cater to their needs since they made the effort to accompany you. They seek to inflate their importance and desire to be the center of attention and admiration.

3. They hold you accountable for their mistakes

Narcissistic friends often blame you for anything wrong because they believe they can do no wrong themselves. They desire to appear perfect and shift blame onto others to maintain this image. They typically look for a scapegoat to take responsibility for and often choose someone emotionally attached and loyal to them. For example, they might fault you for choosing bad seats at the movie theater without acknowledging that their tardiness caused delays in getting there on time.

4. They Cannot Digest Criticism

Narcissists are very sensitive to perceived criticisms and threats. When you attempt to offer constructive Criticism as a friend, they may react angrily and accuse you of trying to belittle them. For example, if you mention that you didn’t like something about their outfit, they may respond by dismissing your opinion and claiming that you lack fashion sense or are envious. They believe they are always right and don’t value your input. Their self-absorbed and self-admiring demeanor makes it challenging to take Criticism well.

5. They closely observe your imperfections

When you first became friends, they probably spoke highly of you. However, now all they do is find fault in everything you do. In the beginning, they were nice to you to win your favor. They would do whatever it takes to gain your approval and admiration. Still, once they feel secure in your friendship, they begin to exert control over you by manipulating and dominating you. They might even attack your self-esteem by criticizing you.

6. It is anticipated that you will consider things from their point of view

A self-centered narcissist friend only sees things from their point of view. Even if you try to make them see things from your perspective, they will only be convinced of their beliefs and will not consider yours. They expect you to agree with them and get upset when you don’t. It surprises and offends them when they realize you may have different desires.

7. They deplete your energy levels

At first, spending time with your narcissistic friend may have been enjoyable as they presented their best side to you. However, now, being around them leaves you feeling depleted of energy. They tend to focus on themselves excessively and display arrogance. Their frequent complaints, oppressive behavior, and disinterest in your life result in one-sided conversations. They mainly talk about themselves and interrupt you whenever you try to share something. A true friendship involves a mutual exchange of ideas, thoughts, and emotions, but spending time with a narcissistic friend leaves you feeling drained rather than invigorated. It leaves you with a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction because your needs are disregarded. 

8. They cause conflicts among friends

Narcissists desire to be the focal point of attention for all and require absolute loyalty from everyone. To achieve this, they may behave pretentiously and sow discord among friends to ensure loyalty towards only themselves. Narcissists are habitual liars who may spread rumors and fabricate lies to manipulate situations to their advantage. They believe they are entitled to admiration and will go to any lengths to obtain it.

9. They diminish your self-confidence

A narcissist seeks to dominate all relationships by exploiting their low self-esteem. They derive satisfaction from belittling others and highlighting their flaws conceited and disdainfully. Beginning with Criticism, they gradually progress to making hurtful remarks and insults. Without even realizing it, they manipulate you into thinking that you are inadequate and should be grateful to have them in your life.

10. They see themselves as being victimized

Even though they constantly make sarcastic comments about you, when you retaliate, they will claim that you are hurting them. Self-important narcissists always see themselves as the victim, even in situations that they have caused. They feel the need to control people around them, and if manipulating others through guilt allows them to do so, they will take advantage of it.

11. If you do not comply with their wishes, they become upset

Narcissists do not see the value in compromise because they focus on themselves and desire to do things their way. When confronted with disagreements, they expect others to comply with their suggestions or be prepared to endure their anger. Narcissists believe their thoughts and ideas are superior, leading them to dismiss opposing viewpoints and demand compliance with their own.

12. Their expectations are not based on reality

People with narcissistic friends may find that these friends have unrealistic expectations. They desire special treatment and want others to always act according to their wishes. If their friends do not comply with their expectations, narcissists may resort to manipulation and possibly even ignore them. It can be challenging to navigate a friendship with a narcissist, as their demands can be challenging to meet. These friendships may be unbalanced, with the narcissist ignoring the needs of their friend. Maintaining a relationship with a narcissistic friend can be demanding and challenging.

How To Deal With A Narcissistic Friend?

If your friend exhibits most of the signs mentioned, it suggests that they have narcissistic tendencies. Here are some strategies for managing a friendship with such an individual.

1. Set limits or boundaries

Narcissists struggle with boundaries as they believe they are entitled to special treatment. To protect your self-esteem, establish firm boundaries they cannot violate. Clearly outline what behavior is deemed acceptable and unacceptable to you, and enforce this consistently. You do not have to solicit their opinion if you anticipate Criticism. Avoid spending time with them when you anticipate complaining or negativity.

2. Avoid allowing them to manipulate you through guilt

Narcissists take pleasure in causing discomfort to others. Previously, they might have brought up your error and requested you to make it up to them as a form of penance. If this behavior occurs regularly, it is necessary to stop it. Assert that you should not be held accountable for a mistake made unintentionally. While they may react angrily, it is crucial to recognize that they do not have power over you. Stand firm and refuse to be manipulated.

3. Avoid attempting to surpass them

A friend who displays narcissistic behavior may occasionally be unkind to you. It is unnecessary to retaliate against them as they will likely do so themselves. Instead, try to be kind to them even when they say hurtful things. If their behavior becomes overwhelming, it is better to distance yourself from them rather than say something you may regret later.

4. Provide words of affirmation and praise to boost their self-esteem whenever necessary

Narcissists can be challenging and irrational when they know that you require them to act in a specific way in a particular circumstance. In such instances, offering insincere praise to stroke their excessive ego is permissible to secure cooperation. They crave admiration; hence, they employ compliments to soothe themselves when unhappy. However, it is crucial to exercise caution when using this strategy. It should be viewed as a temporary measure rather than a permanent solution.

5. Recommend consulting with a trained professional

Narcissists may have underlying psychological problems that they may not recognize. They need to receive assistance from a trained therapist to manage their narcissistic tendencies. Instead of being direct and telling them to seek help, it is advisable to tactfully recommend they consider seeing a counselor to address their harmful characteristics.

How To End A Friendship With A Narcissist?

Narcissists, like all individuals, have feelings and emotions. We should not use their psychological state as an excuse to sever connections with them and alienate them.

Mischa Harcourt, a Texan blogger, discusses her encounter with a narcissistic friend on her blog. She recalls meeting Sadie, a narcissistic friend at the age of nine, who had the skill of building you up only to tear you down. Despite being friends with Sadie until sixth grade, their friendship deteriorated too much to salvage.

She reflects on how her friendship with Sadie impacted her, stating that she felt like she had built a barrier between herself and others throughout her school years and adulthood. By the time she reached high school, she was dealing with severe social anxiety, causing her to be more of a loner, even within groups like the varsity choir. She admired those with many friends, feeling like she could never achieve that. Therefore, even after attempting every possible solution, if their thoughtless actions towards you remain unchanged, creating some space to protect your mental health and overall well-being is essential.

Below are a few strategies to avoid getting caught in a harmful friendship with a narcissistic friend

• Rather than entirely severing ties with your narcissistic friend, it would be advisable to minimize your contact with them. See them occasionally to prevent their pessimistic vibes from taking over your life.
• Direct your efforts towards your aspirations and objectives. Avoid allowing them to dictate your actions.
• Don’t allow others to take advantage of you. Invest in your friendship only to the extent that you receive in return. Strive to maintain a harmonious equilibrium.
• A narcissist will only keep a friendship with you as long as they can control you. They will end the relationship if you don’t comply with their wishes.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed by their toxic behavior, do not be afraid to cut them out of your life. They are too self-centered to try to reconnect with you and will easily find someone else to take your place. 

Maintaining an enduring friendship with a narcissistic friend can be challenging. They have the potential to impact your self-worth and self-assurance negatively. To determine if someone is a narcissist, you can refer to the signs above. If you observe these signs in your friend, you can use the strategies to cope with them. In case the situation does not get better despite your attempts, it may be necessary to distance yourself from the friendship. Remember to prioritize your mental well-being over a relationship with a person who is not worthy of you.