Open Relationship Rules: The Key To Making It Work For You

An open relationship, also called a consensual non-monogamous partnership, is when both partners agree to have physical or romantic relationships with others while still maintaining their primary relationship. This kind of partnership relies on mutual trust, respect, and communication.  

The rules of an open relationship are guidelines that are mutually agreed upon to help maintain the relationship effectively while being in a consensually non-monogamous partnership. In the article, ‘Open Relationship Rules: The Key to Making It Work for You,’ we have outlined several rules and addressed common queries about open relationships and how practical they can be.

Is it possible for an open relationship to be successful?

Couples worldwide are successfully practicing open relationships, regardless of demographic differences. It is common for couples close to breaking up to consider opening up their relationship as a final attempt to save it. When made with mutual understanding and respect, this choice can empower both partners, giving them a sense of control over their relationship and leading to a stronger bond.

Dani, a mother who is in a polyamorous and open relationship with her husband, openly talks about this matter. She acknowledges that some couples may turn to open marriage as a way to avoid divorce or address intimacy issues. Dani and her husband initially believed their open marriage was not a result of these reasons. Still, upon contemplating divorce, they had to reassess their motivations for being in an open relationship to determine if they were due to sexual or other incompatibilities.

Initially, there was a suspicion that their relationship problems influenced their decision to have an open marriage. However, the individual believes it was the opposite—their desire for polyamory (a type of open relationship where individuals have multiple romantic partners with the knowledge and consent of all partners involved) was already present, and they both grew in the same direction despite their issues. It was not a desperate attempt to salvage their relationship.

To succeed, an open relationship requires honesty, communication, mutuality, and transparency. Both individuals involved must be equally invested in the relationship for it to work. Each person needs to have an open mind and trust their partner completely. An open relationship can be harmonious if both partners have a deep understanding and mutual respect. Open communication ensures both partners feel heard and understood, which is the key to maintaining this understanding and respect.

How do you handle an open relationship?

Establishing and maintaining an open relationship can be challenging, so it is essential to establish clear boundaries from the beginning. These boundaries (the limits and expectations set by each partner in the relationship) are not meant to restrict but to provide a sense of security and control. It is crucial to openly communicate with your partner about your expectations and develop rules to ensure the relationship remains strong. Both parties must adhere to the agreed-upon boundaries.

Entering into an open relationship is a decision that cannot easily be reversed, and it is essential to be ready to face any challenges that may arise. Failing to do so could result in losing your partner’s trust, causing potential strains in your relationship. For example, if one partner agrees not to have sex with a specific person but then breaks that agreement, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and a breakdown in trust. Before committing to an open relationship, it is crucial to consider all possible outcomes thoroughly.

Top Open Relationship Rules

Like all relationships, effective communication, equality, and respect for boundaries are essential to maintaining a healthy, open relationship.

1. Limits on physical closeness

Before entering into an open relationship, the couple must thoroughly discuss the number of partners they are comfortable with being intimate with, the boundaries regarding physical acts (such as kissing, cuddling, or sex), and the frequency of intimacy. For instance, they might agree only to have sex with other partners once a month. Both individuals should communicate and establish these guidelines before pursuing an open relationship.

2. Emotional Boundaries

Jealousy is a significant challenge that arises in an open relationship. Even if both partners believe they won’t feel jealous about their partner being with someone else, this mindset can change over time. It is crucial to communicate about boundaries regarding emotional attachment and physical intimacy with others and how it might impact the primary relationship. For example, one partner might feel uncomfortable if the other partner starts developing strong emotional connections with their different partners. In such cases, it’s important to have open and honest conversations about these feelings and, if necessary, consider the options for exiting an open relationship if one partner desires. 

3. Foster open and transparent communication

Effective communication is crucial in keeping a robust and transparent relationship. Partners must communicate clearly and consistently to make sure everything is clear. A relationship built on honesty and openness can result in positive transformations for both individuals. The key to maintaining an open relationship is continuous and transparent communication. Transparency and openness can also help in creating smoother interactions between partners.

4. Decide on the best way to communicate about relationships with each other

Discussing developing an open relationship with a new individual is essential for the primary relationship. It is crucial to determine what topics should be addressed and which should be avoided when navigating different relationships to maintain stability in the primary relationship.

5. Engage in physical intimacy in a safe manner

When both individuals engage in sexual activity with multiple partners, there is a possibility of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Engaging in unprotected sex also heightens the chances of unwanted pregnancies. Therefore, the couple needs to prioritize safety measures before becoming intimate.

6. Be honest

Being honest is essential for an open relationship to thrive, especially in an open relationship. In this type of open relationship, honesty holds even greater significance as it is based on trust (which means having faith in your partner’s honesty, loyalty, and commitment), openness, adaptability, and truthfulness. If either partner begins to conceal information or deceive the other, it can lead to complications. Nevertheless, they have the power to control what they disclose to prevent misunderstandings.

7. Put effort into nurturing your most important relationship

No matter what occurs, your main focus should be on your primary relationship, and both individuals must make conscious efforts to enhance the relationship. Therefore, agree on how much time you will spend together and establish guidelines to maintain the excitement. Additionally, always prioritize your partner when organizing fun activities, such as a dinner date.

Advantages Of Open Relationships

Is taking on the emotional and physical risks of an open relationship worthwhile? Some couples believe it is. Allowing yourself to explore new situations can strengthen your relationship with your partner and offer a world of new experiences and insights. For example, you might discover that you enjoy certain activities more with your partner after trying them with someone else. It can also offer insights into your partner’s personality, including their preferences, fantasies, and insecurities. As time progresses, you may become more attuned to each other’s emotional and physical requirements, opening up a new world of possibilities.

Furthermore, they have an opportunity to learn more about each other. Engaging in physical relationships with others can introduce new intimate activities and help identify fantasies. As a result, both partners can introduce new experiences into their intimate lives and add excitement.

In the same way, open relationships can reduce feelings of resentment because both partners can address any unmet needs (which are not being fulfilled in the current relationship) and fulfill their expectations. Therefore, resentment is less likely to arise.  

Disadvantages Of Open Relationships

An open relationship involving multiple partners can lead to jealousy among those involved. There is also a potential for contracting sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy. Furthermore, being in an open relationship is often not socially accepted, making it difficult to explain and justify one’s decisions.

A monogamous relationship is generally more accepted than an open relationship. Research conducted by The Wheatley Institution and School of Family Life at Brigham Young University found that 90% of the Greatest Generation believed in the importance of monogamy for committed couples. Similarly, 85% of Baby Boomers and 63% of Millennials preferred monogamous relationships. 

Clear boundaries and mutually agreed-upon guidelines are essential for navigating an open relationship successfully. Establishing rules is crucial for maintaining balance in all relationships and ensuring that the primary relationship remains strong.