Polyamorous Relationship: Rules, Types, and How It Works

Before entering into a polyamorous relationship, it is essential to understand all aspects of it thoroughly.

A polyamorous relationship allows romantic partners to have intimate relationships with others while still being committed to each other. To ensure the success of such a relationship, specific guidelines must be followed.

These guidelines establish clear limits to promote honesty, transparency, and trust within the relationship, preventing feelings of jealousy and insecurity from arising. Explore this post to gain insight into the intricacies of a polyamorous relationship, its various forms, and the mechanics of its operation.

What Is A Polyamory Relationship?

Polyamory is a term that combines the Greek word ‘poly,’ meaning many, and the Latin word ‘armor,’ meaning love. Therefore, it signifies having multiple loves. In a polyamorous relationship, a couple agrees to engage with other individuals.

A polyamorous relationship, also referred to as an ‘open relationship,’ is distinguished by both partners being aware of and consenting to each other’s affairs, distinguishing it from cheating. This type of relationship allows for non-monogamy, with neither partner expected to remain faithful.

Different Types Of Polyamorous Relationships

The nature of the relationship and the number of individuals involved determine the various types of polyamorous relationships available.

1. Vee

In this form of polyamorous relationship, one person is romantically involved with two individuals who are not romantically involved with each other, creating a structure resembling the letter ‘V.’

2. Triad

A triad involves three people who are romantically involved with each other. For example, a heterosexual couple could be in a relationship with another male or female partner.

3. Quad

Four individuals are engaging in sexual activities with each other. If, for example, two couples engage in sexual activities together, they form a quad.

4. Hierarchical polyamory

One way to describe this dynamic is as ‘one primary plus,’ where one relationship takes precedence over the other. In this scenario, a married couple prioritizes their open marriage while still maintaining a secondary relationship with others. This involves living together, sharing finances, and making decisions together.

5. Non-hierarchical polyamory

In this type of arrangement, partners do not emphasize a monogamous relationship. Instead, they focus on ensuring their individual needs are met within the setup. Each person involved has an equal role in decision-making within the relationship.

6. Kitchen table polyamory

In this polyamorous relationship, partners spend time together, whether or not it is romantic. Some partners may not engage in sexual activities, but they are close enough to share meals, which is why it is called kitchen table polyamory.

7. Parallel polyamory

This contrasts kitchen table polyamory, in which all individuals involved are on friendly terms with each other. For example, Allen is married to Margaret, who is in a relationship with Jamie. Allen and Jamie are aware of each other’s existence but do not have any direct interaction. Their primary focus is on their respective relationships with Margaret.

8. Solo-polyamory

In this scenario, an individual has independence and only focuses on themselves. They engage in relationships with multiple partners without prioritizing any particular one. This individual seeks relationships without any commitments and is primarily concerned with fulfilling their needs, showing no interest in a serious or long-term relationship.

9. Mono-poly relationship

One partner in the relationship practices monogamy and remains faithful to the primary relationship, while the other partner engages in polyamorous relationships with multiple partners. This arrangement is consensual and does not qualify as cheating.

How Do Polyamorous Relationships Work?

Polyamorous relationships, although not widespread, are not a recent phenomenon. The practice of non-monogamy has existed in the United States since the 1800s, with examples such as the Mormons engaging in multiple-partner relationships.

Many individuals in polyamorous relationships prefer not to commit to one partner exclusively to avoid infidelity and hurting their partners. This type of relationship is often suitable for those in long-distance relationships or individuals who travel frequently for work.

Open and clear communication is key to a polyamorous relationship’s success. For such a relationship to work, both partners must be honest and understanding. The couple must consent to and prioritize respecting each other’s boundaries and privacy to maintain happiness in the relationship.

Maintaining connections with multiple partners can be challenging, mainly if you are already in a committed relationship. Feelings of jealousy, insecurity, suspicion, and mistrust can arise and negatively impact your relationship. Making it work requires patience and a willingness to compromise.

Natalia Loveleen, an author, was introduced to the concept of polyamory by her husband. Despite her husband’s evident affection for her, Loveleen realized she struggled to maintain privacy and develop deep connections in multiple relationships. She found that jealousy played a significant role in her inability to embrace polyamory fully. Loveleen concluded that to navigate a polyamorous relationship successfully; one must possess patience and be willing to compromise.

The outcome of a polyamorous relationship is determined by the individuals participating and the level of support and trust they are willing to provide each other.

Important Polyamorous Relationship Rules To Follow

Polyamorous relationships also require adherence to guidelines and limitations, which may differ between couples. The following are some typical rules that polyamorous couples tend to abide by.

1. Partner Agreement

Mutual acceptance is crucial for the success of a polyamorous relationship. Both partners must be on board and agree to the arrangement for it to work. Without your partner’s approval, any actions taken in a polyamorous relationship would be considered dishonest or cheating.

2. Have a clear idea of your desired outcome

Before trying out polyamory, it is essential for both you and your partner to define your desires and boundaries in the relationship clearly. Are your other connections purely physical, or do they also involve emotional intimacy? Both partners must communicate openly about their needs and expectations in the relationship. Discussing and agreeing upon terms and rules should be done before entering a polyamorous relationship.

3. It is essential to use protective measures consistently

Having sex with more than one person can heighten the risk of getting sexually transmitted infections for both individuals involved. It also raises the risk of unintended pregnancy. Therefore, using protection is essential when engaging in intimate relations with others.

4. Set proper boundaries

Being involved with multiple partners can lead to jealousy between you and your partner. To prevent this, communicate openly about how much information you are comfortable with. Consider using a code word to signal when discreetly meeting someone else. It’s unnecessary to go into explicit details about your interactions with your other partner, as this may trigger feelings of insecurity.

5. Focus on your partner

Interacting with others should not result in neglecting your significant other. It is crucial to honor and nurture the relationship with your partner. Prioritizing spending time with them and showing them love, just as in any relationship, is essential to maintaining equality among all parties involved.

6. Maintain a respectful distance from the partners of others

In some situations, you may feel curious about your partner’s company. However, it is advisable not to make judgments or unnecessary comments after finding out. It is essential to respect your partner’s privacy in a polyamorous relationship.

7. Avoid pressuring yourself to spend time with another person

You may be comfortable with your partner being intimate with others, but that doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Avoid trying to outdo your partner. If you’re not interested in it, then don’t engage in it.

8. Ensure there is clear communication between you both

If there is ever a time when you feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied in a polyamorous relationship, it is essential to communicate this to your partner. Make sure that there is open and honest communication between you and your partner. It is necessary to express your feelings for each other without any hesitation.

9. Do not take things personally

You might have agreed to polyamory to please your partner, but don’t assume they are doing it because you are lacking in any way. Often, their choice to practice polyamory has nothing to do with you; it is about how they want to live their life. So, don’t feel inadequate if your partner doesn’t support monogamy.

Polyamorous relationships are a type of ethical non-monogamy that functions effectively with established boundaries between partners. The rules for polyamorous relationships are determined by the individuals involved, leading to variations from couple to couple. This is one reason why polyamorous relationships may not be suitable for everyone. Those who do not believe in committing to just one partner may find a polyamorous relationship to be the optimal choice. For these individuals, engaging in a polyamorous relationship offers the opportunity to have multiple partners while maintaining happiness and independence.