Top Signs Of A Lying Spouse & How To Deal

Deception is a grave violation within a relationship that needs to be addressed promptly.

Marriages, often believed to be predestined, can sometimes veer off course, especially when one partner is unfaithful and displays signs of deception. Have you ever noticed your spouse suddenly increasing the security on their social media apps or making excuses about being busy at work when they are out socializing? These are indications that should be noticed to identify the issue and prove the falsehood of their stories. A lying spouse can indeed ruin a relationship and cause irreversible harm. However, it’s important to remember that communication is key. By engaging in open and honest conversations, there is hope for the relationship to heal. Continue reading this post, ‘Top signs of a lying spouse and how to deal,’ to learn how to recognize if your partner is lying, common signs of a lying spouse, and ways to address the situation.

Common Signs To Tell Your Spouse Is Lying

Even if you are familiar with your spouse, detecting when they are evading or lying about simple things can still be challenging. They may be skilled at deception, or you may be too trusting. Fortunately, you can uncover their deceit by paying attention to their body language.

Avoiding eye contact is the typical sign of a lying spouse. When posing a question to your partner, if they respond without making eye contact, it suggests they are likely hiding the truth. This behavior indicates a reluctance to communicate and a desire to steer clear of discussions. In this instance, they resorted to deception to dodge answering and escape detection.

1. Refrains from making eye contact

The primary indicator of a lying spouse is when the spouse avoids making eye contact. If the spouse consistently responds to your inquiries without making eye contact, it clearly suggests that they are being untruthful. This behavior indicates a reluctance to communicate openly and a desire to avoid the discussion entirely.

2. Avoids giving a straightforward response

When you ask your spouse whether they drank with a friend the previous night, they will likely respond with questions like “Why would I do that?” or “Why are you asking me this?” This is done to gauge your reaction and buy time to craft responses that will cause them the slightest difficulty. Additionally, they may do this to test your knowledge, and if you are unaware of it, they may exploit it and make you feel guilty for doubting them.

3. Employs excessive, unnecessary words

If your spouse is caught unprepared, they may stumble and stall to think of a lie. They might use filler words like “umm” or “err.” Additionally, they could seem distracted and restless due to feeling nervous. Sometimes, their tone may become more formal, signaling the stress of upholding the deception. In such situations, it is essential not to react with anger and instead monitor the occurrences. It is advised not to overlook or pardon their dishonesty.

4. Responds slowly

When you ask your partner a straightforward question such as, “Did you visit the bank?” instead of promptly saying “yes” or “no,” they might seem distracted by something else to stall their response and come up with a suitable answer.

5. Their demeanor may also shift as a reaction

When a person is being deceitful and experiences anxiety, it will often be evident to some extent in their uncomfortable body gestures. They may exhibit behaviors like shrugging their shoulders, sweating more than usual, fidgeting with their hair, and attempting to conceal themselves behind objects like chairs or tables. By paying close attention, you can detect that their physical expressions are abnormal and they are keeping a secret.

6. Alters the way they speak or their tone of voice

When your spouse is not telling the truth, they may exhibit signs such as stuttering or making verbal mistakes. They might also talk more rapidly than usual to shorten the conversation. Their tone of voice could alter, and they may behave affectionately, using terms of endearment that are out of character.

7. Does not stay consistent with one narrative

Request them to recount a specific event and then repeat the request a few days later. If their responses differ, there is a possibility that they are being untruthful. Also, you may observe them being evasive and using ambiguous language to persuade you with uncertainty. While this method may not be completely reliable as your spouse could have faulty memory, if they are being deceitful, their narrative will continually shift whenever you inquire about a specific event or incident. This behavior signifies dishonesty.v

8. Is secretive about their phone and keeps it hidden from you

If your spouse hides something, they will ensure you cannot access their phone. They may lock it with a code and frequently have it on silent mode. In your presence, they will quickly lock their phone. If they consistently answer calls away from you, it could indicate that they are keeping secrets and possibly even misleading you.

The blogger from ‘Little Ms. Goody Two Shoes’ blog recalls how she turned a blind eye to her husband’s lying habits, only realizing the extent of the damage when it was too late to control. She believed his lying was a character flaw, thinking he only embellished the truth and omitted specific facts. Despite not approving this trait, she felt it necessary to be patient and accepting in relationships, as she was a committed wife. She convinced herself he was truthful with her, only to discover later that he wasn’t. Only after their relationship ended did she see the depth of his deceit, realizing how one lie or omission could doubt everything he had ever said.

Possible Reasons Why Your Spouse Lies To You

The motivations for lying vary from one individual to another and depend on the circumstances. Below are some common explanations for why your spouse may not tell the truth to you.

1. To prevent causing you harm

It is common for individuals to ask their partners for guidance or opinions on minor matters like clothing choices, work projects, or everyday occurrences. Your significant other might occasionally conceal the truth if they notice a mistake you made to spare your feelings. This deception is typically harmless and is done to make you feel happy immediately.

2. To appear attractive to you

Your spouse might have a particular perception of themselves that they want to maintain. They might strive to meet this perception to keep your love. They may deceive you about qualities they do not have to gain the admiration and respect they desire.

3. To manage the quantity of information you possess

Some individuals are not keen on sharing extensive personal details with others, even if they are close to them. This reluctance to disclose information extends to aspects such as family and siblings, with some people evading direct questions on these topics. This could be due to feelings of embarrassment about their background or a desire to maintain a sense of privacy and autonomy in their relationships.

4. To enjoy the excitement of deceiving others

Your spouse may deceive you for excitement. They believe that by keeping information from you, they can manipulate your knowledge and comprehension.v

5. To prevent the need for clarification

It’s possible that your partner feels like you constantly interrogate them about their actions and plans, which they find bothersome. As a result, they may find it easier to lie. For instance, they may spend time with friends but tell you they are working instead. They are not trying to conceal anything but are concerned that you might assume they are drinking excessively or flirting with others when they are with friends. So, they may choose to lie to avoid having to explain themselves.

6. To prevent disagreements and conflicts

If your partner does something you dislike, they may resort to lying if they cannot stop doing it. For instance, they might stay out late drinking whenever you are not around, and when confronted, they will deny it to avoid conflict with you.

7. To end the relationship with you

It is possible that your spouse may not always be honest with you in a relationship, as they may choose to lie instead of telling you everything. They may believe that you will eventually figure out the truth without them needing to reveal it explicitly.

How To Deal With A Lying Spouse?

You may be correct in suspecting that your spouse is being untruthful. However, what actions can you take in response to this situation? Below are some strategies for handling a lying spouse.

1. Watch their tendency to be dishonest

Initially, it is essential to comprehend the motive for the deception. Is the individual being dishonest in concealing a negative behavior? Are they untruthful when providing their opinion on a matter? Are they lying to keep something hidden from you? It is crucial to determine if there are consistent patterns to their falsehoods or if they constantly engage in deceit.

2. Have a conversation with them about the problem

If your spouse consistently lies, you should address the issue with them directly. Explain to them the negative impact their lying has on you and the trust within the relationship. Assure they can be truthful with you, even if it is difficult. Encourage open and honest communication to tackle the problem.

3. Adjust your mindset

Your spouse may lie in many situations because they fear how you will react. It is essential to have a conversation with your spouse and consider your own reactions to improve communication and trust between you.

4. Seek advice from a professional marriage counselor

If your spouse keeps lying despite your efforts, it may be beneficial to seek assistance from a marriage counselor. Even if your spouse has stopped lying, your past experiences may influence your judgment. A marriage therapist can offer an impartial viewpoint on the circumstances.

Should You Confront Deception in a Relationship?

Addressing dishonesty within a relationship is crucial, and it is important to approach the situation with care and self-reflection. Instead of immediately confronting the individual, it is advisable to take the time to collect your thoughts and emotions beforehand. Identify the specific behavior causing concern and strive to comprehend its underlying motivations. When ready to discuss, opt for a peaceful and private setting. Utilize “I” statements to convey your emotions rather than placing blame on the other party to prevent sounding accusing. Encourage transparent and sincere communication, and be open to listening to the other person’s perspective. Building trust requires patience, and both individuals must be dedicated to overcoming challenges for the relationship to thrive. If the dishonesty is causing a lot of emotional pain, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor for support in finding a positive way forward.

Avoiding making eye contact during conversations, responding evasively, displaying changes in behavior, and using a different tone of voice are typical indications that your spouse is untruthful. People often resort to telling little lies in challenging circumstances, but deception is not desirable in close relationships. Furthermore, dishonesty can lead to tension between partners and damage trust. If you observe your partner lying often, it is essential to calmly discuss and collaborate to solve the issue before it worsens.