What’s It Like To Be In A Romantic Relationship As An Aromantic Person?

It’s normal to desire a deep connection without the romantic aspect, a feeling many people can relate to.

Have you pretended to like someone just to fit in with your friends? Have you turned down a proposal because you were unsure of their intentions? Do you question why people enjoy extravagant weddings? You may be considered aromantic if you answered ‘yes’ to these queries.

The term ‘aromantic’ is not only accurate but also celebrates the value of platonic relationships. It’s important to understand that being aromantic is not a lesser form of connection but a different and equally valid one.

Who Is An ‘Aromantic’?

The term ‘Aromantic’ describes individuals who do not experience romantic feelings or attraction toward others. These individuals struggle to form the emotional bonds necessary for romantic relationships and have no desire to be in such relationships. Being aromantic should not be confused with being asexual, as the latter term explicitly describes a lack of sexual attraction. Aromantic individuals may still experience sexual attraction, but they primarily value friendships and platonic relationships.

Though they experience sexual attraction, they primarily value friendships and platonic relationships.

They can develop a strong emotional connection with someone they feel connected to, but this bond typically does not lead to romantic feelings. Additionally, a person’s sexual orientation does not necessarily dictate who they are romantically interested in. They are unlikely to seek a romantic partnership despite feeling affection or respect towards someone.

Signs You Are An Aromantic Person

Below are some typical indications that suggest you may be aromantic.

1. You’ve never been in love with someone

During your teenage years, you may have overheard your friends sharing about their romantic interests and emotions towards them. Nonetheless, you could never relate as you were disinterested in love and did not experience romantic feelings for anyone.

2. You act as though you’re in love

When your friends talk excitedly about someone they are interested in, you also join in the conversation about your supposed crush to fit in, but you struggle to understand how you truly feel. Your crush might be good-looking, but you know you feel indifferent towards them and do not harbor romantic sentiments.

3. Romantic stories don’t resonate with you

You need help understanding romantic TV series, movies, and novels. You perceive yourself as lacking in romanticism and fail to comprehend why a beautiful girl like Allie would leave her affluent and affectionate boyfriend for someone like Noah. These narratives confuse you, and you desire people to be more practical.

4. You have never experienced anxiety when you are in the presence of someone you have feelings for

You have never experienced the sensation called ‘butterflies in the stomach.’ While you may feel anxious before a significant occasion, you don’t feel this way around someone you are attracted to.

5. You are a faithful and honest companion

You have a strong bond with your friends, who trust you always to support them. You are skilled at connecting with others and understanding older and younger individuals. Despite this, you do not experience romantic feelings for anyone.

6. You experience a physical attraction, but there are no emotional feelings accompanying it

You are physically attracted to others and derive pleasure from sexual activity; however, you lack emotional connection and fail to grasp the significance of romance. Even though you may engage in sexual relations with someone, feelings of romance are absent. Consequently, you may view the romantic aspects of relationships as obligatory tasks that must be completed.

Intriguingly, an individual can identify as both aromantic and asexual, being referred to as ‘AROACE.’ Someone who is AROACE does not experience attraction towards romance or physical intimacy. A well-known aromantic asexual Youtuber named Bmud Angel describes their feelings by saying, “The idea of engaging in activities like kissing, cuddling, and participating in romantic gestures repulses me.”

7. You’re not familiar with the idea of marriage

You view weddings as simply a social event where guests enjoy dancing, eating, and having fun. You do not understand or appreciate the importance of weddings and find it difficult to empathize with people who become sentimental.

8. You have no desire to be in a romantic relationship

Romantic relationships can often leave you feeling uncomfortable and uncertain, as it is difficult to gauge the other person’s emotions and respond appropriately. The fear of causing hurt or experiencing unrequited love can make you hesitate to pursue romantic connections.

9. You are seeking a relationship for various reasons other than just romance

There are various reasons why people enter into relationships, but sometimes, there may be a lack of enthusiasm for romance. Your partner may provide financial security or be physically satisfied. You know the reason, which may differ from what brings other couples together.

10. You would rather have a casual relationship with someone where you are friends but also have physical benefits

You are sexually attracted to others but not interested in romantic relationships. Therefore, you find the concept of ‘friends with benefits’ ideal because you can be a supportive friend without being a romantic partner.

11. Enjoying being alone is something you prefer

For someone romantic, being single may seem dull. However, for you, it is simply your preferred state of being. Despite encouragement from others to find a partner, you do not feel pressured as you enjoy being single.

12. You lack interest in learning about other people’s romantic relationships

Your friend may confide in you about their recent breakup, and while you may feel empathy for them, you could also feel exhausted and uninterested. You may appear disinterested or indifferent to their emotions and struggle to provide support.

13. You fail to comprehend the excitement surrounding Valentine’s Day

Giving gifts, writing romantic notes, and expressing your emotions are all activities that make you feel uncomfortable. You are not interested in the romantic aspects of life, and Valentine’s Day, a day focused on love and romance, holds no significance for you and is simply like any other day.

Are Aromantics Afraid Of Making A Commitment?

Aromantics can love, particularly their family, pets, and friends. The distinguishing factor is their difficulty in distinguishing between platonic and romantic relationships. They feel a similar level of attachment towards all those they hold dear. “They may enter a serious relationship and value it, but not in the conventional way. They can experience a deep emotional bond beyond friendship with someone, yet the likelihood of it evolving into a romantic relationship is extremely low.”

Aromantic Vs. Asexual

The term aromantic is frequently conflated with asexual despite having distinct meanings. While an aromantic individual may experience sexual attraction and derive pleasure from sex, an asexual individual does not experience enjoyment or desire for sex. Asexual individuals can still engage in romantic activities such as cuddling and hugging but do not feel sexual desire. This lack of sexual attraction in asexual individuals can be perplexing for their partners, who struggle to understand why someone would want sex without romantic feelings.

Asexual individuals and aromantics have contrasting views on romantic relationships. Jo, an asexual advocate and blogger, shared that despite not actively seeking a partner, they eventually found themselves in love and involved in a long-term relationship.

My relationship resembled a typical partnership in some ways, but it also had distinct differences. While I used common phrases associated with relationships, such as “falling in love,” I was hesitant to use labels like “boyfriend/girlfriend.”

Myths And Misconceptions About Aromanticism

1. Aromantic people cannot be in a relationship

Individuals who identify as aromantic can still have fulfilling partnerships, although their relationships may be strictly non-romantic.

2. Aromantic people are afraid of commitment

Identifying as aromantic does not imply a fear of commitment. An absence of romantic attraction defines aromanticism and does not suggest a dislike of commitment.

3. They don’t feel love and are heartless

Aromantic individuals do not lack love or have a cold demeanor. They typically favor friendships built on shared interests, mutual respect, and emotional intimacy.

4. They do not find pleasure in romantic material

Aromantics may have different tastes in romantic movies, books, and songs. While some may enjoy such content, others may feel indifferent or even disgusted by exaggerated romance shows.

It is perfectly fine to be aromantic, and there is no need to worry about it. It is important to note that being aromantic is distinct from being asexual. While you may experience similar attractions towards your partner as others, you view it in a spiritual rather than romantic way. If your friends or partner struggle to differentiate between romantic and aromantic feelings, provide them with examples to clarify the distinction.