Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Abusing in any way harms the relationship.

With the increasing number of women coming forward to report being abused in relationships, many of us may wonder why women remain in abusive relationships. According to the 2011 data from NISVS conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, at least one out of every three women will experience physical abuse from their partners at some point in their lives. However, abuse is not always limited to physical violence; it can also encompass emotional and psychological harm. Physical abuse may involve acts such as hitting, kicking, strangling, or causing injuries to the partner. Emotional abuse may include constant criticism, threats, and isolation. It is advised that any woman in an abusive relationship should leave a partner who disrespects and harms them. However, leaving such an abusive relationship may not be easy, as relationships are often more complex than they appear. Unfortunately, some women feel trapped and decide to stay in abusive relationships for various reasons. This post, ‘Top reasons why women stay in abusive relationships, ‘ aims to shed light on the possible motivations behind why women choose to remain in such harmful and abusive relationships.

Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Relationships?

The justification for why certain women choose to stay with an abusive partner differs from individual to individual. Let’s examine some of the most prevalent reasons.

1. They hope that, eventually, the abuser will change

After each instance of abuse, some perpetrators may try to win back the victim’s trust by being kind and affectionate. This can be seen as a manipulative tactic, where the victim is given the impression that if they change their ways, the abuser will show them love. In situations where the victim has devoted significant time and energy to the relationship, they may believe that enduring the pain will eventually lead to happiness.

2. They fear their abuser

Some women are in harmful and abusive relationships where the abuser employs fear tactics to maintain power over them. The abuser makes threats to harm the victim, their children, or themselves. If the victim relies on the abuser financially, they may threaten to withdraw financial support. The abuser makes sure that the thought of leaving is more frightening than enduring the abuse. As a result, the women feel trapped and have no choice but to endure the abuse.

3. They hold themselves responsible for everything

Victims of abuse often begin to question themselves after experiencing mistreatment. This occurs when their partner holds them responsible for their inappropriate conduct. They start to think that they must have done something to provoke the abuser into subjecting them to such intimidating behavior. While they may acknowledge the abuser’s mistreatment, feelings of guilt lead them to analyze the situation from the abuser’s point of view.

Irene Lynette, a blogger, also believed that she deserved the abuse inflicted by her spouse. She explains that I was led to believe I deserved what was happening to me. I accepted my situation and thought it was my fault. I willingly entered into an unequal marriage. He skillfully convinced me that everything he said about me was true. I felt inadequate and incapable of being independent. He made me feel like I didn’t know how to communicate and that people only wanted me for what I could provide them. He convinced me that he was the only one who truly cared for me and that I was repulsive.

4. They wish to keep their kids safe

Some women suffer through prolonged physical and emotional abuse out of concern for their children. They are willing to endure challenges without complaint to shield their young ones from the effects of living in an abusive relationship. Thus, they persevere through challenging circumstances to ensure their children grow up in a stable environment.

5. They might lack the necessary means to relocate

Divorce can be costly and draining. Some women stop working once they get married or have children. These women may not have the financial means to cover legal fees, leading to helplessness. Additionally, starting over after a separation may not be a viable choice for them. With no means of supporting themselves, they may opt to remain in an abusive relationship.

6. They might be cautious about their partner’s societal status

When women are married to accomplished and well-known men with honorable social standing, they often endure abuse in silence to protect the family’s reputation. Additionally, suppose the husband is highly respected in society. In that case, women may worry that their stories will not be believed and may even be blamed for tarnishing their husband’s or families’ reputations.

7. The fear of being alone

Cunning and crafty abusers may manipulate situations to keep women away from their friends and family. As a result, women may start to feel scared of being alone and away from those they care about, causing them to suffer in silence as their partner mistreats them.

8. They doubt their value

Experiencing emotional abuse can diminish an individual’s self-value, leading to reduced self-confidence. Through continuous negative comments or ridicule by an abusive partner, the subconscious mind can be significantly affected, causing the victim to internalize feelings of unworthiness and believe they are undeserving of anything positive. Such circumstances can prompt doubts about one’s self-worth and compel them to remain in an abusive relationship.

9. They feel compelled to meet the expectations set by society

Based on specific cultural expectations, women are often taught that once they get married, they must uphold the reputation and traditions of their new family at all costs. The desire to appear as the ideal couple can lead women to endure an abusive relationship. They fear leaving their partner will tarnish the image they have worked hard to cultivate in society. Additionally, they worry about being seen as incapable of sustaining a long-term relationship while others experience marital happiness for extended periods.

10. They are too ashamed to acknowledge reality

Some women choose not to speak out about abuse out of embarrassment and reluctance to share their experiences. They worry about being criticized, humiliated, and held responsible for their partner’s behavior. If they open up about their emotions, they may be concerned about not receiving support from their family and community. They also dislike the sympathy they receive when others discover the truth. They believe that staying quiet is preferable to receiving unsolicited advice from people, so they remain in an abusive relationship.

11. They think they can save their relationship

Some women believe they have insight into the motivations behind their partner’s abusive behavior. They continue in the abusive relationship, assuming they can help their partner overcome their problems. They think that loyalty and love can change the abuser’s behavior and lead to personal growth.

12. They consider it to be typical and appropriate

Growing up witnessing men mistreating women without facing any repercussions can lead a woman to view such behavior as acceptable. She may deny or fail to acknowledge that the harm she is enduring, whether physical or emotional, amounts to abuse. She may even perceive abuse as a regular aspect of a positive and healthy relationship.

Ending an abusive relationship may seem like the easiest option, but it’s not always easy. Women frequently have limited means to support themselves independently, and when children and other family members are in the picture, they may feel compelled to remain in an abusive relationship. Additionally, the hope that the abuser will alter their behavior, societal expectations, and the shame of acknowledging the reality can all serve as deterrents to leaving. Nonetheless, providing these women with proper guidance and assistance can ultimately help free them from their suffering.